How Did I End Up Here?

(aka – How I Became A Widower)

It is 29 June 2023 09:18 a.m.:

I am at work and about to go into a meeting. I was in a hurry, I wanted to get as much done as quickly as possible today because I am planning to visit my Wife of 25 years, who is seriously ill in hospital.

The hospital is 60 miles away and she has been there, in and out of ICU and isolation wards, for the last 3 months. It has been 4 months in total since she left our home in an ambulance, blue-lighted into the ER with chronic stomach pain, so intense she was finding it difficult to breathe.

She has not been home since.

My mobile rings, the number displayed is the hospital. I expect it to be about visiting later (my wife needing to be in isolation rooms to avoid infection risk often restricted how long and when we could visit), so I hesitate to answer as I am already late for the meeting.

The caller persists, leaving it to ring for a long time. Eventually I answer hastily, hoping to make this a quick call and get to my meeting.

The voice of the woman on the other end sounds nervous, halting, she stumbles over her words.

After confirming who I am she tells me she is part of the Consultant team looking after my wife, and then she says:

“Oh, this is a difficult conversation…”

My heart stops, I catch my breath, I know what this means.

I don’t remember the exact words she says next, but I remember not understanding what she was trying to say and then the Consultant, her boss, takes the phone. Oddly, I relax a little when he speaks. I have had quite a few lengthy and frank conversations with him over the last few months, so I trust his understanding of the situation.

The Consultant starts to explain what procedures they have tried to carry out due to my Wife’s emergency situation this morning. He says something about stemming the bleeding, cauterising something, it being very difficult and challenging with the speed of blood loss and the amount of it in her abdomen.

I ask if she is ok though, and he says:

“We can talk about it more when you get here, don’t do anything silly, but you should try and get here as soon as you can!”

My head spins. It must show on my face as a colleague looks very concerned and asks me if I’m ok. I just stare at them. My brain is racing, contemplating joining the meeting and letting them know I have to go.

She snaps me out of it and urgently says:

“Just go! I’ll let everyone know, just grab your daughter and go.”

My daughter! She is working as a temp in the same building as me. I am going to have to tell her what’s happening and her boss that we need to go. I don’t care what they say, we are leaving them to it because right now nothing else in the world matters more than me getting to my beloved wife who desperately needs me, as fast as possible.

She is 60 miles away in another County and the rural roads and holiday traffic where I live do not ever make for a speedy journey. I grab my daughter and my car keys and rush out of the building to my car.

I get there in 50 minutes.

But it was too late.

She had already gone when they phoned me…