Right now, all I can think of is her. I am searching my media libraries to find videos of her speaking, laughing, singing, shrieking – anything to hear her voice. I have days like this that sometimes turns into weeks, where I feel the need to wallow in and process my memories of her. Truth…
Anniversaries of Notable Events when Grieving
Today is two years from the day J was blue lighted into hospital with chronic stomach pain that was making it difficult for her to breathe. How that day started I remember repeatedly calling the 999 incident room as J’s pain got more and more difficult for her to bear. She had started vomiting, the…
Grief Between The Sheets
Have you ever been doing something mundane, boring even, part of your daily routine and then some small thought has completely thrown you off track? Did it take you by surprise? Did you wonder where on earth that thought came from? It’s weird isn’t it, how our brain works (or doesn’t work)? Caught by surprise…
How Loss Changes Our Perspectives on Life
Like the song says, a day, 24 little hours, can make all the difference. Even one second to the next. It is something we all know, but that we rarely acknowledge until we are forced to. I feel this makes us take things for granted, until they are taken away from us. Sliding Doors There…
The Power of Friends in Grief
When you look back on a period in your life, you often see so much more than you could at the time. Sometimes with regret, sometimes with gratitude, or maybe even both. I know this is an old cliché, but if it wasn’t for some very dear and genuinely concerned friends who I know love…
Why Does My Grief Brain Hate Me?
They all seem to be like this now, my nights. It is 3 a.m. and I am lying awake, staring at the ceiling again. I am self-talking, doing breathing and relaxing exercises and honestly, praying that I can get some rest for once. But my ‘grief brain’ hates me and instead says to me: “Oh…
How Did I End Up Here?
(aka – How I Became A Widower) It is 29 June 2023 09:18 a.m.: I am at work and about to go into a meeting. I was in a hurry, I wanted to get as much done as quickly as possible today because I am planning to visit my Wife of 25 years, who is…